I hear loud cursing over the chatty bustling,
Of uniformed students in the outdoor canteen.
Sunlight reflects on the curious eyes that turn to our table.
Situated near the plants, disturbing our little bubble.
I flinch at the attention but my friend is busy;
Celebrating her new position as Student-body President.
The ugly green monster, in me, invades the moment.
Churning up unwanted feelings and leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.
Caging me in, and suffocating me with reminders of my loss.
Oh no! The monsters are teaming up.
Projections, of when I performed in front of a live audience, play in my mind;
My fingers plucking at the guitar strings with ease,
my voice loud and melodic.
The crowd cheers, that once ignited an addictive euphoria in my veins,
But now choke me from the inside out, blocking my air supply.
I blink to clear my mind. Sweaty palms chipping the wooden table.
I listen to my friend’s cheers, over the loud thumping of my heart,
To regain my bearings, before all the monsters meet up.
I need to run!
I run to my safe haven; my room.
My fingers pluck at the metallic strings of the mahogany guitar,
My voice perfectly synchronized with the chords to sing, The Strumbellas’s “Spirits”.
I sing with all my heart, in the confines of my dark room.
And with each line, I feel my breathing normalize, and the monsters disappear.